how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
