Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
