I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
