You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
