Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
