I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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