she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
