there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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