Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The adults are the big ones right?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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