i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
