Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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