There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
