Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
