Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
