we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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