I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
