he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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