The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
