we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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