Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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