i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this is an emotional support booty call
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
