Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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