I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
