my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
