There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
