i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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