why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
