I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
