Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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