I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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