One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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