We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
