Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I love having hate sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
