Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
