All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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