best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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