There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the day after is always just damage control
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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