Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
