other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
