are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
