Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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