Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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