Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
