For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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