Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
love makes seman taste better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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