Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
