I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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