Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
