Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
