I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
