I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
