Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize