The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's like iHOP with fire
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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