Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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